#6: Apparently, Kindness Has Become Political

I’m frustrated this week. Not with one political party, one candidate, or even one particular issue. I’m frustrated with what politics seems to be doing to us as people. Somewhere along the way, disagreement became personal. Different opinions became character flaws. Political affiliation became enough information for us to decide whether someone is good or bad, smart or stupid, worthy of respect or deserving of ridicule. And social media has only poured gasoline on the fire. We have become remarkably comfortable saying things from behind a screen that most of us would never say while sitting across the table from another human being.

Last week, I had a guest on The Missoula Podcast whom I have wanted to sit down with for nearly five years. His background is remarkable. He attended West Point, served as an Army Ranger and Green Beret, went on to become an executive, and eventually served as a university president. Regardless of politics, that is a lifetime of experience from which I knew I could learn. I had questions about leadership, adversity, responsibility, failure, and what happens when the stakes are high and people are looking to you for direction. I didn’t want to debate him. I wanted to learn from him. For an hour, I simply wanted the opportunity to be his student.

Today, he also happens to be campaigning for the United States Senate here in Montana. Ironically, the campaign trail is what finally created the opportunity to get him into the studio. I understood his candidacy would naturally be part of the context surrounding the conversation, but I had little interest in turning the podcast into another political interview. There are plenty of places to hear candidates debate policy, defend positions, and explain what is wrong with the other side. That isn’t what our podcast is about. My goal was much simpler: get beyond the title and get to know the person. We talked about life, leadership, West Point, military service, success, failure, and lessons learned along the way. For a little while, we tried to put politics aside and simply have a conversation between two people.

Then the episode was released, and the comments started coming in. Some were thoughtful. Some disagreed with him politically, which is completely fair. I have no expectation that everyone who follows me will agree with every guest I invite onto the podcast. In fact, I hope they don’t. But other comments weren’t disagreements at all. They were insults, assumptions, personal attacks, and declarations about the character of someone I’m guessing many of the commenters have never met, never had a conversation with, and, based on some of the comments, probably didn’t even listen to the episode. You can go look for yourself, although a few have been deleted because, well…wow.

And it bothered me. Not because everyone needs to like my guest. They don’t. Not because everyone should agree with his politics. They certainly don’t have to. What bothered me was how quickly disagreement seemed to become permission to abandon kindness. We have become incredibly efficient at reducing complicated human beings to simple labels: Republican. Democrat. Conservative. Liberal. Candidate. Politician. Once the label has been applied, we convince ourselves that we know everything else there is to know about that person. A lifetime of experiences, relationships, successes, failures, sacrifices, mistakes, and lessons gets compressed into a single word, and then we attack the word instead of getting to know the person.

Maybe that is what bothers me most about the political climate in America right now. We seem increasingly interested in proving people wrong and increasingly uninterested in understanding why they believe what they believe. Curiosity is being replaced by certainty. Conversation by confrontation. Listening has become something we do while waiting for our opportunity to respond. Social media has only made it easier. A keyboard provides courage without requiring much accountability. We can say something cruel, close the app, and move on with our day without ever having to look the other person in the eye.

I keep wondering how different our conversations might be if they happened around an actual fire pit instead of in a comment section. Sitting across from another person changes things. You see their face. You hear their voice. You recognize their humanity. You might still disagree with everything they believe, but it becomes much harder to turn them into a caricature when they are sitting three feet away. Maybe that should become our test before we hit “post”: Would I say this if this person were sitting across from me? Would I say it if I had to look them in the eye when I was finished?

None of this means we should stop disagreeing. Disagreement is healthy. Challenge ideas. Debate policy. Ask difficult questions. Hold leaders accountable. Vote for the people you believe should lead. Be passionate about what you believe. You can be absolutely convinced that someone else is wrong. But being convinced you are right does not give you permission to be cruel. Your position does not become stronger because your insult became louder. Winning an argument means very little if you have to sacrifice your character to do it.

There’s a thought I can’t seem to shake this week: It’s okay to disagree. It’s okay to be right. It’s even okay to be wrong. Just don’t be wrong in the way you try to prove how right you think you might be. Maybe the real test of our convictions isn’t how loudly we defend them, but how we treat the people who don’t share them.

So this week, my challenge is as much for me as anyone reading this. Listen a little longer. Ask another question. Be curious before becoming critical. Remember that behind the candidate, political party, bumper sticker, yard sign, comment, and profile picture is a human being carrying a story you probably don’t fully know. We don’t have to surrender our convictions to recover our kindness, and we don’t have to agree in order to respect one another.

Maybe America doesn’t need more people proving how right they are.

Maybe we need more people proving we can still be kind when we disagree.

This week, can we focus a little less on being right and a little more on being kind?

Keep the fire burning. 🔥