#17: What If Your Yes Is Costing You Everything?

What if the biggest threat to the life you want is everything you've already said yes to?

I believe that one of the keys to finding peace in life is making sure your calendar reflects your core values. But I've also learned that there's a big difference between knowing what matters most and actually living like it does. Between work, speaking, writing, traveling, and family, I could fill every hour of every day. And if I'm being honest, part of me enjoys that. I love being productive, I love pursuing opportunities, and there's something rewarding about feeling needed. But I've had to ask myself a difficult question along the way. Am I building the life I say I want, or am I just getting really good at being busy?

As I've spent more time traveling and speaking, that question has become increasingly personal. I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunities I've been given, but I've also had to recognize what they cost. A one-hour speaking engagement could mean two days away from Joy and the kids. Another opportunity, another flight, another night in a hotel. And while I can justify almost every commitment individually, collectively they can take more than I intended to give. That's the part I've had to wrestle with. It's possible to be doing meaningful work and still miss meaningful moments. Sometimes the hardest thing to say no to isn't something bad. It's something good that's taking time away from something better.

That's why I've made it a habit to schedule margin. I literally block time on my calendar for nothing. No meetings, no obligations, no expectations. I've learned that if I don't protect that space, something will always fill it. And without it, the people I love can start to feel like interruptions to the schedule I've created. I've caught myself telling one of my kids, "Just give me a minute," while finishing an email that probably could have waited. As my kids get older, those moments hit differently. Someday they won't need my attention nearly as often, and I wonder how many times I'll wish I could have one of those interruptions back.

I wish I could say I've mastered this, but I haven't. There are still weeks when my calendar looks nothing like the priorities I claim to have. And that's uncomfortable to admit, because I don't want to be someone who talks about faith, family, and intentional living while giving those things whatever time is left over. I've learned that being busy can make us feel important, but it doesn't necessarily mean we're investing in what's important. And I've found that some of the frustration we experience comes from the distance between the life we say we value and the life we're actually living.

So here's a question I've been asking myself, and one I'd encourage you to consider, too. If someone who didn't know you looked at your calendar for the past 30 days, what would they assume matters most to you? Would their answer reflect what you say your priorities are? I'm not sure I'd always like my own answer, and maybe that's exactly why it's a question worth asking.

Because at the end of the day, I don't want the people I love most to get what's left of me after I've given everything else my best.

Keep the fire burning. 🔥