#3: The One Question That Could Change Every Relationship You Have

A few weeks ago, our pastor was preaching through the Fruit of the Spirit and spent the morning talking about love.

I’ve found myself thinking about that message ever since.

Not because love is a new topic. Quite the opposite. It’s one of the most common words in our vocabulary. We use it to describe everything from our spouse to our favorite pizza. We hear phrases like, “Love is love,” but the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that while those words sound meaningful, they don’t actually define love.

So what is love?

What does it actually look like?

More importantly, how do you become someone who loves well?

As I sat by the fire this morning, I realized I’ve been asking the wrong question for most of my life. Instead of asking, “How can I be loved?” maybe the better question is, “How can I become more lovable?”

Not more popular.

Not more impressive.

More like the kind of person others feel safe with, respected by, and genuinely cared for.

I keep coming back to three ideas.

The first is dropping your guard.

Pride has a way of keeping people at arm’s length. It makes us defensive, quick to justify ourselves, and slow to admit when we’re wrong. Pride wants to win arguments. Humility wants to preserve relationships.

I’ve never met someone who was easy to love because they always had the right answer. But I’ve met plenty of people who were easy to love because they were quick to listen, willing to apologize, and humble enough to admit they didn’t have it all figured out.

Love grows where pride shrinks.

The second is shifting your filter.

Every one of us views people through a lens shaped by our past experiences, hurts, expectations, and assumptions. If we’re not careful, we’ll start assigning motives to people that aren’t actually there.

A forgotten phone call becomes a lack of care.

Constructive feedback becomes criticism.

A disagreement becomes disrespect.

What if we chose a different filter?

What if we assumed the best before assuming the worst? What if we led with curiosity instead of criticism? What if we extended grace before passing judgment?

Changing the way we see people often changes the way we love them.

Finally, there’s surrender.

This may be the hardest part of all.

Real love always costs something.

It asks us to surrender our need to be right, our desire to control every outcome, and our insistence on having the last word.

Love isn’t about getting your way.

It’s about choosing the good of someone else, even when it requires sacrifice.

The older I get, the less I believe love is primarily a feeling.

Feelings come and go.

Love is a decision.

A decision to choose humility over pride.

Grace over assumptions.

Sacrifice over selfishness.

As you head into this week, maybe ask yourself the same question I’ve been asking:

Am I becoming the kind of person who is easy to love because of the way I love others?

I have a feeling that’s the kind of question that can change a marriage, a friendship, a family, and maybe even our own hearts.

Until next Sunday…keep the fire burning.🔥