#13: I Left a 50% Tip. I’m Not Sure It Was Generous.

I left a 50% tip at a Michelin restaurant recently, which is a pretty obnoxious way to start a story about generosity. Nothing says “humble” quite like announcing where you ate and how much you tipped.

Here’s the weird part: I thought the food was mid. I realize saying that about a Michelin restaurant probably says more about my palate than the chef. I’m a guy who considers chips and guac an entree. But the service was incredible. Maybe the closest thing I’ve experienced to what Will Guidara calls Unreasonable Hospitality. They noticed things, anticipated things and made us feel genuinely cared for. So when the bill came, I left 50%.

I walked out feeling pretty generous.

This week I started thinking about it.

Was I?

The tip was significant, sure. But it didn’t really cost me anything. I didn’t have to sacrifice something else to leave it. I didn’t lose sleep over it. I didn’t have to rearrange my life. It was easy. It felt good. Maybe what I did wasn’t generosity at all. Maybe I was simply being kind.

I think we confuse the two. Kindness is doing something nice for someone. Generosity requires us to give something up. Not necessarily money. Sometimes the most expensive things we can give are our time, attention, convenience, opportunities or credit. Listening when we’re busy. Showing up when we’d rather stay home. Making the introduction when there’s nothing in it for us. Celebrating someone else when we desperately wish it were our turn.

Maybe generosity isn’t measured by how much we give.

Maybe it’s measured by what the giving costs us.

That’s uncomfortable, because it means a 50% tip could be kindness while sitting with someone for an hour when I have 47 other things I want to get done could be generosity. A $100 expense might cost me less than giving someone my undivided attention. Sometimes writing the check is actually the easy way out.

So I’m not sure I was generous that night. I think I was kind. And kindness matters. We need more of it.

But this has stuck with me because I know where generosity gets harder for me. It’s not usually my wallet. It’s my calendar. My attention. My patience. It’s putting the phone down when I’m distracted. Staying in the conversation when I’m ready to move on. Giving someone an hour I was convinced I didn’t have. Showing up when nobody would blame me for not showing up.

I can leave a big tip and feel pretty good about myself.

The harder question is whether the people I love would describe me as generous with the things they actually need from me.

I don’t know that I always like my answer.

Maybe that’s where generosity begins. Not with giving more of what’s easy for us to give, but being willing to give some of what we’d rather keep.

And maybe the most generous thing I can give someone today has absolutely nothing to do with money.

Keep the fire burning. 🔥