#11: I Could’ve Made It Work

I recently got a “no” on a speaking opportunity I really wanted.

And I’d love to tell you I handled it with complete maturity and immediately thought, “What a wonderful opportunity for personal growth.”

I did not.

It stung. Not because it wasn’t a fit. Not because they didn’t see the value. Not because the event wasn’t excited about what I could bring to the room. It came down to budget. Which is completely fair. Budgets are real. Organizations have numbers they have to live within. I get it. But understanding why you got a “no” doesn’t magically make the “no” feel better.

This was a place I was genuinely excited to go, people I wanted to spend time with, and a room I knew I could serve well. In my head, I had already pictured the stage, the conversations afterward, and probably what I was going to eat while I was there. So yeah, I was disappointed.

But after sitting with it for a little bit, it reminded me of something I think we all need to hear from time to time: not every “no” is rejection. Sometimes it’s just misalignment.

Earlier in my career, I probably would’ve immediately started doing math. What if I lower the fee? What if I change the scope? What if I cover some of the travel? What if I speak for 37 minutes instead of 45 and somehow convince myself that makes the economics work?

Basically, I would’ve played a very sad little game of The Price Is Right with myself until I found a number that got me on the stage.

And there were seasons when that probably made sense. When you’re starting something, sometimes you need the reps. You need the rooms. You need the experience. You need people to take a chance on you. But eventually, you have to recognize the difference between investing in an opportunity and discounting yourself just because you really want it.

Because every time you immediately shrink your value to make something fit, you’re teaching people what to expect from you. More importantly, you’re teaching yourself.

This time, I didn’t chase it. I didn’t start negotiating against myself. I didn’t send the “Okay, but what if…” email. I thanked them. I meant it. I stayed grounded in what I know I bring to a room, and I trusted that another opportunity will come.

That doesn’t mean I suddenly stopped wanting this one. I still wish it had worked out. I would still love to be in that room. But there’s something freeing about realizing you don’t have to turn every “no” into a “yes.” Some things aren’t supposed to be forced. Sometimes two sides can genuinely want something to work and still not be able to make the pieces fit.

And that lesson goes way beyond speaking.

Maybe it’s a job you wanted. A client you thought you were going to land. A promotion you were sure was coming. A partnership that looked perfect on paper. An idea you believed in that nobody else seemed ready for.

When those things don’t land, our first instinct is often to turn inward and start questioning ourselves. Maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe I asked for too much. Maybe I should lower the bar. Maybe I need to become something different.

And sometimes, sure, we need to get better. We need feedback. We need to grow. We need to be humble enough to recognize when we simply aren’t ready yet. There’s a difference between knowing your value and refusing to learn anything.

But sometimes you’re ready. They’re ready. The opportunity is good. You’re good. And the numbers just don’t work. Or the timing doesn’t work. Or the circumstances don’t work.

That’s not necessarily rejection. It’s certainly not proof that you aren’t valuable. Sometimes it simply means this particular opportunity, at this particular moment, wasn’t aligned.

There will be other rooms, other stages, other organizations and other opportunities. And when the right ones come along, you shouldn’t have to become smaller just to squeeze yourself into them.

So if you’re in a season where things aren’t landing exactly the way you hoped, don’t automatically use every closed door as evidence that something is wrong with you. Learn what you can. Get better where you can. Stay humble enough to listen and confident enough to know what you bring.

But don’t confuse “not this one” with “not you.”

Sometimes a no is just a no.

It doesn’t have to become a verdict.

Keep the fire burning. 🔥